A theme keeps resurfacing in conversations of late. Of things not being as they seem.
Our newest roommate wished to treat us and some of her friends to a carbonara night at the flat. She went well out of her way to gather fresh, traditional ingredients, so of course we all obliged.
As we sat around the table, a friend of hers shared an intriguing story centered on some defective wellies she’d bought for a trip. She explained that the shoes somehow had holes in them, making it difficult to travel around in the wet and soggy terrain.
At one point, with her socks already soaked, she came to a rather grim crossing at a road where normal wellies would have been really useful. And to make matters worse, a man in his truck was politely standing by for her to pass. She nervously recounted how she kept looking down at the ground then back at the driver. A stand off. There was no way she could step foot into the soupy soil beneath her feet.
Finally, after waiting long enough, the driver stepped on the gas and shouted to her as he went by: “You’ve got wellies on!”
She understood how ridiculous she looked to him. Of course she had wellies on, but he was not privy to her conundrum. She’d have been happy to cross quickly if they weren’t defective.
This happens a lot in life.
As humans with insecurities and presumptive leanings, we make judgements on what we think is the full picture. I am guilty of this. It’s easy to make a hasty assessment of someone or situation, as if we immediately understand what is before us. It becomes even more difficult with social media — a barrage of highlight reels that we digest with every swipe of our finger. It’s tough separating the notion that not everything we see on our screens is current, authentic, or filter-free.
We see the woman with the perfect body and envy her figure, yet have no idea of her battles with bulimia because, as a child, her mother constantly commented on her weight.
We covet the CEO’s luxurious lifestyle, gawking at the gorgeous photos posted of his home, travels, and fine dining, yet behind closed doors, he’s unbelievably lonely. He cannot decipher whether someone loves him for who he truly is or merely for what they can take from him.
We witness the attractive man with his gregarious attitude and gorgeous family, wishing we could be him or be with him, yet have no idea he’s attempted to leave this world far sooner than planned.
It’s why I express such an emphasis around kindness — towards others and towards ourselves. We construct these fantasies of who we think people are and transform them into toxic imprints and ideals of what we think we should be. And as much as I don’t always agree with the jacked, grind-and-hustle entrepreneur, Alex Hormozi, I wholeheartedly agree with his position around “should”; that the word is dripping with indoctrinated expectation on what is correct or incorrect of our behaviors. Life has drastically changed these past 50 years, and we are all just wading through these new standards around relationship dynamics, career success, and how to achieve both while also maintaining the perfect diet, perfect ass, perfect blah blah blah. It’s exhausting. It’s a myth.
No one has it all together. We are all on this floating rock placing unrealistic expectations on ourselves and others as if we are getting out of this alive. So, just remember — grace is usually the answer. Don’t be so hard on yourself. And if you see someone in shiny wellies unwilling to jump into a puddle, it may be for good reason.
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