Ace of Wands

I’ve barely had time to sit and think this past month, at least not about myself. Between interviews and travels, to notes and organization, to schedule conflicts, cancellations, and plain bad luck, having a moment to just breathe has turned into a luxury.

This past week, especially, has felt heavy. I wake up every morning to conflict — something to fix. I look at my ever growing list of responsibilities but can’t seem to check off more than gets added on.

My skin has also played up a bit. I am due my shot, yet the stresses and food choices definitely invited some rashes to arise. I am not panicking over this, but humbly acknowledging the hand I play in my health’s demise.

The cherry on top, amidst this chaos — my heart misses someone. I thought I’d be past this by now, a fixation that should have faded. But, here I am. My feet are on the ground, paving forward, yet my daydreams stay wrapped up in the rear view mirror.

On my train ride home Tuesday night, I finally listened to my zodiac sign reading for July. Many find these things ridiculous, but this one man in particular is always dead on. (chriscorsini)

Most of my readings have been quite serious, but this one gravitated towards a far more uplighting tone. He literally stated “a blast from the past” would show up. Noted. This “past” plays with my head, but we shall see how the next few months unfold. It could also pertain to a place, not just a person — giving Edinburgh vibes.

He continued, laughing and pulling up cards that read we are in a saucy state (9 of cups). Despite my heart being sunk, talons deep, into a ghost, it hasn’t turned off the feisty fire burning (flirty, to say the least). Keeping doors (and windows) open, as I should.

But, my favorite thing he confirmed was how we are finally out of the south node in my sign (Scorpio). He congratulated us and how these past 18 months have been a wild journey for some. “Who is she!?” he clapped.

Could not be more accurate.

I don’t even recognize that girl. I planted seeds 18 months ago out of grief, intuition, and this universal sign to go toward what set my soul on fire. I had a friend tell me that he even knew I was in a different place because I never leap without a plan. But for most of last year, I had zero plan. I let it all come to me, to embrace the uncertainty and loss of control in order to take a deep, long breath, hold it, and swim. Swim towards a life I could see in the distance. Swim towards another seashore. Swim towards my destiny.

So as I sit and write on this comfy couch, Novo Amor music strumming from my phone, I’m holding back tears. They aren’t tears from being exhausted (those have already come and gone). They aren’t tears from fear, or regret, or loss (like usual). They are simply tears of acceptance, that whatever comes, I know I have the strength to face it. And I know this because I see that shoreline. I see that life. I see that destiny.

Near the end of Chris’s reading, he enthusiastically pulled out the Ace of Wands. It was the punctuation he needed to cheer for us, that we aren’t going to sit here and ruminate over what we don’t have; to trust the process. There is excitement, a game afoot. We need a large dose of Vitamin F (fun — coined by Dr. Campbell, gotta give credit) and to embrace this “go getter” energy flowing.

No scarcity. No holding back. No time to play small.

About to free swim the hell outta these waters until I reach the shore…

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