Tag: grief
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Like Skydiving
A friend recently let me borrow Notes on Heartbreak by Annie Lord, a memoir moving back and forth between Annie’s five year relationship with her partner, Joe, and its aftermath. I recently had a short, but personally meaningful, relationship end. Something at the end of her novel (not truly a spoiler) had me tearing up…
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Portals
I grabbed my phone to bear witness, but then paused. For some reason it didn’t feel right. I tossed it back down into my bag and surrendered, watching. See, I’m not one for flying. Since a young age, I’ve struggled with our motorway in the sky. Turbulence feels like a rollercoaster with no tracks. The…
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An Ode to Edinburgh
I’ve been struggling how to start this, but a conversation with a friend gave me the seed I needed. He and I were talking about relationships; how love is blind. There is no rationality in it sometimes, that spark you feel towards another person. It defies logic, and it doesn’t matter the timing or circumstance,…
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Bobby’s Pins
Anyone a New Girl fan? There is a scene that lives rent free in my mind. It’s my Roman Empire. Jess, the lead female of the show, is being grumpily scrutinized by Nick, another lead character. He storms into her room, dissecting everything he claims “needs to change”. From her gigantic ball of yarn, to…
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It Was A Long Time Ago
I’m on an Andrew Scott kick at the moment. I’ve even just paid to watch Vanya in theaters for way more money than I’d pay for a usual ticket. Most recently, my heart was torn open by his performance in All of Us Strangers. I won’t give too much away, but he encounters his neighbor…
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Top, No Bottoms
The synchronicities in life will always bring me joy. They remind me that the universe is on our side. For the past month, ever since writing my last entry, I’ve been self-medicating. That usually looks like a dose of burying my head into projects and work where I can use my powers that be to…
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The Tightrope
Today I learned the difference between transparency and vulnerability. I start this by saying that there is so much noise in my head, so I must write. If I do not, my thoughts will continue to devour me whole. There really is no place to begin or end, only that I start pouring. Awhile ago,…
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CTSD
On my tram ride home last night, I found a post on social media that really summed up the tightness in my chest. I’ve been battling with persistently worsening eye and neck skin issues for the past two to three weeks, not knowing when it will end or why it’s even rampant in the first…
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The Bifurcation
Since moving to Edinburgh and starting my masters, I’ve enjoyed so much of it. My feet float around the city, my heart clinging to every building and statue. It’s such a remarkable space in the world. I feel at home, which is strange to admit since I am thousands of miles away from family and…
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Not There Anymore
If nothing else, this first week of my post graduate masters in Edinburgh has solidified one thing — I made the right choice. For months, I’ve run through an obscene amount of scenarios in my head. Each one is of myself debating the pros and cons list of moving my entire life to a new…