Tag: grief
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The Tightrope
Today I learned the difference between transparency and vulnerability. I start this by saying that there is so much noise in my head, so I must write. If I do not, my thoughts will continue to devour me whole. There really is no place to begin or end, only that I start pouring. Awhile ago,…
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CTSD
On my tram ride home last night, I found a post on social media that really summed up the tightness in my chest. I’ve been battling with persistently worsening eye and neck skin issues for the past two to three weeks, not knowing when it will end or why it’s even rampant in the first…
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The Bifurcation
Since moving to Edinburgh and starting my masters, I’ve enjoyed so much of it. My feet float around the city, my heart clinging to every building and statue. It’s such a remarkable space in the world. I feel at home, which is strange to admit since I am thousands of miles away from family and…
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Not There Anymore
If nothing else, this first week of my post graduate masters in Edinburgh has solidified one thing — I made the right choice. For months, I’ve run through an obscene amount of scenarios in my head. Each one is of myself debating the pros and cons list of moving my entire life to a new…
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Ace of Wands
I’ve barely had time to sit and think this past month, at least not about myself. Between interviews and travels, to notes and organization, to schedule conflicts, cancellations, and plain bad luck, having a moment to just breathe has turned into a luxury. This past week, especially, has felt heavy. I wake up every morning…
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Breathing
I stumbled across a quote yesterday that said “I want somebody to love me.” I immediately thought about Josephine March from Little Women. It’s the scene where she is pacing in the attic of her childhood home, her mother watching. Upon learning that Laurie is accompanying her sister back home, Jo clings to her loneliness…
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Leaning In
Narcissus, in greek mythology, is a god who falls in love with his reflection. Enthralled by his outer beauty, he sits by a bank of water and stares at his face in the water’s reflection, ignoring any hunger or thirst. He eventually dies right there, unable to meet his bodies needs because he was so…
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Peter Panning
Topical Steroid Withdrawal is a large facet of my life, an overarching theme that overshadows the rest. Over the summer, I tried running from it. I didn’t want to talk about it, think about it, argue about it, post about it. I just wanted to be. As if it were behind me. Then, boom, a…
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When Grief is Like Glitter
There comes a time when everything reminds you of what you’ve lost. You can think positive thoughts, you can recite affirmations, but they aren’t able to fill the void. It’s hollow and echoes when you call out for help. During this time, it’s winter. It’s a barren, leafless forrest where you pray for sunlight and…